Current read: The Surrendered Wife. Because I believe in preparing for my marriage way better and more than for my wedding.
I now realise why marriage is so difficult. Or challenging -sometimes, at the very least. I’m someone who has something to say about everything and I’m learning that if I want a successful marriage, I’m going to have to learn to keep my mouth shut. Especially about inconsequential things. So I’m trying. It’s not about simply keeping my opinion to myself, but about relinquishing wanting to have control over everything. According to the author, Laura Doyle, what I see as wanting to help, my husband sees as controlling.
As I was reading the book, I thought about all the scenarios that played out where I had something to say. Like how I commented on the inappropriateness of my fiancé wearing bed-slippers to my house. (He had come from mosque, and they steal shoes at the mosque – for those who don’t understand why he’d wear bed-slippers to the mosque).
I had something to say about his wedding suit: It looks too casual; the collar needs to be broader. He then expressed how much he likes it. Oops. I recognised my wanting to control. So when he asked me what colour shirt and tie to wear, I restrained myself from sending him pictures I’d saved off the internet, and gave him the freedom to choose whatever he liked. Though I still wanted to see what he chose. I did not like the tie. But did I say so? Nope. I didn’t lie either. This book does not teach you to lie. I simply replied that I’m sure it will look great on him in person InShaAllah.
Interestingly, Laura Doyle explains that this need to control developed because a woman was let down at some point in her life:
Through reading this book, I intend to be an awesome wife in the very near-future, InShaAllah. I’m learning to relinquish control, pay attention to how I respond and receive graciously.
Alhamdulillah, I can’t be grateful enough to Allah SWT for blessing me with my future halal bae of incredible character. May Allah SWT guide our impending marriage. Āmīn.
Please feel free to share your marriage advices with me.
With best of du’as for your worldly and Hereafter success,