Bismillah 

I’m a die-hard romantic who believes in love no matter what they say. So I thought to finally share a series of my marriage chronicles, though I’m yet to be betrothed. Keep this sister in your thoughts and prayers. May Allah SWT bless you with everything good you desire. Āmīn. 

Potential halal bae-to-be

Looks: check✔️ Voice: check✔️ Hafidh: check✔️ Studied Deen❌ from CT❌

A friend/acquaintance told me about this guy. She said he is deeni inclined and modern at the same time – (What does that even mean?) –  and that’s why she thinks we could be a match. She added: “NB -amaaaaaaaazing voice. u wudnt want the taraweeh salah to end.” And he was handsome too. I was sold, even though he wasn’t from Cape Town and doesn’t live here. Deal-breaker alert! 

We first exchanged emails, cc’ing a good friend as the third person. We then tried Skyping but that didn’t work out so he phoned. Deal-breaker number 2: He was supporting family members living with him.. and they’d still be there post-marriage. Very admirable MaShaAllah, but unfortunately that was not going to work out for me. 

I was grateful to have a good friend at the time with me, who asked all the right questions and helped me to formulate my email to him afterwards so that I didn’t crush him. 

He actually contacted me a few years later when he was no longer looking after the fam but that wasn’t the only thing. I learned that being a hafidh doesn’t equal being Islamically learned, and the shepherd of my household needs to know his deen for me to be his queen. 

Lessons learned: 

Have the advice of a friend or someone wise with you. 

Don’t negotiate your non-negotiables. TBH I didn’t quite learn the lesson this time, but I did learn more about what I wanted and what I was willing to accept and what I wasn’t.

Stay tuned for the next Potential halal bae-to-be.

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