All praises and thanks be to Allah (SWT). Abundant salutations be upon our beloved Messenger Muhammad (SAW).
Last term, at the beginning of every single class, we had to “check in” with Michelle (my educator for one of my counselling courses). I found it difficult to express how I was feeling. I was there after a looong day: I had Darun-Na’im in the morning, got home after Thuhr, rushed off to Camps Bay to recite to Sheikh and sat in traffic to night-class at SACAP, making du’a to be on time, trying not to get frustrated. The point was to think about and describe our feelings, instead of the usual “I’m fine/I’m good.” So right now I thought I’d “check in” with myself and see how I’m doing.
My mentor gave me the task of completing a life plan template a few weeks ago, consisting of listing my prorities, envisioning my future and making commitments towards that end. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. He eventually asked me about me and I said I’m sorry; I’ve got stuff to work through first. I felt really awful about it for a while.
After visiting/greeting hujaaj last night and tonight (a beautiful Cape Town tradition), I’m starting to feel ready to tackle it, and instead of this being about me, let’s do this together (muscle-arm-emoji). I’ll just share a brief version of my answers for my own benefit and hopefully yours. Ask yourself and answer the following questions:
How do I want to be remembered?
I’d love to be remembered as a person of the Qur’an who dedicated my life to serve the Qur’an and Allah’s Deen in every way I possibly could.
I’m not married yet, and I hope to die before my husband when I’m married some day inShaAllah, but I’d like to be remembered as the sweetest wife ever, who’d put notes in his lunch box, and have the kids make him cards and sweet treats, and as a wife who stood by him through thick and thin, motivated him when he was down and encouraged him to be an even better person/Muslim not just by telling him but by trying to improve myself. I hope to be someone who was patient with his flaws and things that irritated me about him.
I don’t think I’m spiritually mature enough to have the responsibility of nurturing the ruh/soul of another any time soon, but I’d love to be a spiritual role model.
Toughest one ever ’cause I fall so short, and I feel really emotional about it. May Allah forgive me and guide me to be a better daughter. Aameen. I hope my parents pass away before I do, but okay okay that’s not the point. I know. I hope they’re proud of me and not only what I achieved in my life but who I became out the efforts of their labour, by the Permission and Will of Allah.
I don’t have a lot of friends, simply ’cause not many meet my criteria, but I hope to be known as someone who was always a face of positive energy and joy, who hosted the bridal showers and baby showers and and made an effort to keep in touch and who reminded them of Allah.
What matters most?
I find this extremely difficult. I think the ideal to me would be:
- Allah and fulfilling my obligations to Him, including my Qur’an revision
- The Prophet Muhammad SAW: striving to love him more than myself
- My parents and family and future husband
The reality of this list is somewhat different unfortunately (can’t-look-face).
How can I get from here to where I want to be?
Account 1: Loving Allah’s Beloved
To love and obey the Messenger of Allah (SAW).
I want to feel love for and a connection with RasulullAh (SAW) and to strive to be like him and to long to meet him.
Narated By ‘Abdullah bin Hisham : We were with the Prophet and he was holding the hand of ‘Umar bin Al-Khattab. ‘Umar said to Him, “O Allah’s Apostle! You are dearer to me than everything except my own self.” The Prophet said, “No, by Him in Whose Hand my soul is, (you will not have complete faith) till I am dearer to you than your own self.” Then ‘Umar said to him, “However, now, by Allah, you are dearer to me than my own self.” The Prophet said, “Now, O ‘Umar, (now you are a believer).” Reference: Bukhari Volume 008, Book 078, Hadith Number 628.
Current Reality: Most of the time I don’t feel the love and connection, and I don’t actually make time to.
- Recite at least 50 salawaat mornings & 50 evenings
- Read the book “Muhammad” by Martin Lings by year-end.
- Attend the weekly Qasidah Burdah recitation
The Life Plan Template calls to follow the same process for four other areas aka “accounts” of your life. I pray this is of benefit to me and to you. (aameen).
With best of du’as for your dunya and aakhirah success,