The one du’a I needed to make for so long but couldn’t, was a du’a for humility. I was so scared that I was going to be publicly humiliated as a response to my du’a.
But i so badly needed to be humbled. And so I prayed.
All it took was a tiff at the suhur table. At one of the most blessed of times. I refused to hug one of my brothers because it was just too awkward. I’m not a touchy-feely person and I’ve been this way since I was a baby (according to my mom). We just don’t do sibling hugs in my house. You may find that cold. But I’m cool with it.
So it caused a little stir, like you know how sometimes one issue at the table brings up other issues? Yeah.
It turns out I’m not over stuff I thought I totally was. Ever got that revelation? It’s not a pretty feeling. It inspired my fb status: Ima broken-hearted girl💔I don’t know the meaning of love. Love me with all your heart. Without expecting in return. Until it’s pieces merge.
I’m grateful that I finally asked for humility and that I feel humbled. It’s not who you are on the outside that makes you, it’s who you are inside. And it’s not who you are to outsiders but who you are to insiders. So I know and I can say that I am nobody.
I love these truly humbling words by Sheikh Riyaad Walls, which he often shares:
i am nothing, except for what He has made me.
i know nothing, except for what He has taught me.
i have nothing, except for that which He has given me.
i can do nothing, except what He permits.
i can’t prevent myself from anything except that which He prevents me from.
And I have to share this du’a by Sheikh Ismail Londt that moved me:
“Oh Allah, how can you forgive me when I am who I am? Oh Allah, how can you not forgive me when You are who You are?”
And so I will keep praying for humility. And strength of character.
And I hope you pray for me too.