Birthdays and anniversaries and that type of thing is a big deal to me. So surprisingly I didn’t take myself out for my one year anniversary since I completed my hifdh (Qur’an memorisation).  

I’ve been really struggling with my relationship with my Qur’an since I “graduated” from my hifth school. I admire those people who are are like “take everything away, but don’t take away my love for Qur’an.” I sometimes even envy them.

‘Cause I pray for that kind of love in the first place.

I hated being at my hifdh school so I subconsciously associate my Qur’an with that negativity; where I felt that the sanctity of the Qur’an was removed and the Qur’an was reduced to an academic exercise. The aim was to build up to recite five to ten ajzaa (pl. of juz). To become “lanja”. It wasn’t to become closer to Allah, to please Him or to become a better person. It drove me to regret memorising the Qur’an at times.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had and still have incredibly beautiful moments with my Qur’an, but I prefer to keep those between me and Allah. I’m just not fake. I’m not going to lie about how I feel and my experiences. It wasn’t a bed of roses.

I’m clearly a very ungrateful slave, and the only reason I completed was out of Allah’s rahmah (mercy). Coupled with the du’as of so many people of course. Shout out to you all! And it goes without saying, my ustadh & teachers. Alhamdulillah (all praises and thanks be to Allah).

And maybe Allah sees something in me that I don’t see in myself.

‘Cause why am I doing this hifdh thing (workshops & mentoring) if I’m nowhere near the embodiment of the Qur’an? It’s just that with so many people doing hifdh, I expect there to be workshops being run, but since there isn’t, maybe Allah’s using me until those better than me fill the gap.

I feel for those who are struggling and I sincerely hope I can be of some benefit. I make du’a that Allah (SWT) grants you to love the Qur’an first and foremost. May it be your comfort and companion in this world and the Next. And may memorising the Qur’an bring you closer and closer to Allah until the day you meet Him with that which came from Him. And above all, may Allah accept from you. (Aameen).

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I’d love to know what you think! Be just as honest as I am.😌WhatsApp, Fb, email me, whatever floats your boat. (Sorry guys, sisters only).

If you’d like more tips to stay on track or tools to keep motivated or even be mentored along your hifdh journey, you’re most welcome to contact me.

With best wishes for your hifdh success,